Living in the “House of Un-trust”

Case Study #2

Living in the “House of Un-trust”

It’s Unfortunate when someone feels that the people around them have failed them in one way or another and it leads them to believe that no matter what they do to redeem themselves, it’s just too late and not worth the effort.  Trusting someone in your life is earned throughout the term of the relationship.  It’s sometimes automatically given but quickly taken away.  To really trust someone with all your heart and soul comes only after years of working on that particular relationship or even patterns that have been previously set.  To better understand this theory, the theory itself must be explained by example.

A man meets a woman and for the first time he realizes that she will be the one he is going to marry.  Yes, Love at first sight.  Who knew?  Anyway, they spend about 5 years dating and getting to know one another and they decide to get married.  This man, after being in terrible relationships, has taken the 5 years to begin to trust again.  He trusted his fiancé with anything or anybody.  She could do him no wrong.  After the marriage and a few years later, the couple falls into a rut and the woman strays.  She finds comfort in another man and cheats on her now husband.  Not knowing what to say to her husband, she continues to make him believe that she is still in love and that he is the only one.  Of course, the husband doesn’t realize anything until the relationship begins to falter.  She starts to have secret conversations away from the husband and decides not to be as intimate as she used to be.  Now begins the paranoia.

He begins to investigate and finds that she in fact has strayed and anything she says could be an outright lie.  The trust has gone down the window.  Even if she admits to the relationship, the husband no longer believes her.  She, of course, explains that nothing sexual has happened but her “Friend” was there for support in areas that her husband wasn’t.

When she says that nothing happened should the husband believe her?  Good question but the answer is will he?  Everything that she has said is a lie.  So now she can do no right.  Now he also starts to question the areas in which she told him she loved him.  How about those late nights at the office or business trips she took?  How can he believe anything she has said?  Now after she left him she realizes that she truly loves him and made and error.  The problem is that now regardless of her actions of redemption he does not trust it.  Is she here because of necessity or because she truly feels remorse and loves him?

He, on the other hand, has looked into his soul and decided to forgive her and take her back, however, will their relationship get stronger or will it fade away?  Can he ever trust her again?  That’s where the healing begins.  Sometimes a person can be placed in a situation where trust is forced upon them.  A person always has a choice in life and trusting someone is one of them but what happens when you have the choice of trusting them or going crazy and getting more paranoid?  I guess what I am basically saying is that to trust again is to let go and move on.  The persons involved need to let go and understand that you can’t change the past.  Learning to accept what has happen and make a choice to progress in any situation is not as easy as it sounds.    It is important that the problem be identified and talked about.  With the person you have lost the trust or some neutral party that will make you think, accept and move on.

Life’s experience will get you to a point in your life where mature responses are the only responses.  Conditioning is the key.  Raised in a family where it’s okay to cheat, the children will grow to be cheaters themselves.  They know that the party that has been cheated on will always forgive and accept the consequences of their decisions.  That faithful wife will be there until she can’t anymore.  That husband that has been made a cuckold will accept and move on.  Now the tables will turn when the cheating spouse decides to be faithful and the victim plans revenge.  Where has the trust gone.

In order to make things work, revenge has to be taken out of the equation.  I can come up with at least two sayings that work.

1.   “Burn me once, shame on you.  Burn me twice, shame on me!”

2.   “Two wrongs don’t make a right.”

There is no way of saying its okay to enact revenge.  I guess it would be up to the individual and what his/her needs are when they do it.  To trust someone after they have burned you can be done but they must earn what they have lost with you.  Time usually heals all wounds but how long?

If a child is being raised to hear “NO!” every time he asks for something, does he asks for anything or does he just take it?  Of course, the child is filling his needs by taking it even though he has been conditioned to ask first.  The constant denial of his requests leads him to find other means of achieving his set goals.  By denying him you may feel he hasn’t earned it but what happens when he never earns his requests/rewards.  He takes it anyway and continues on.  This action is not usual for children but the fact of the matter is that conditioning can be hazardous to your children’s health.  Especially if the child has ADD/ODD.  To clarify ADD is Attention Deficit Disorder and ODD is Oppositional Defiant Disorder

A little depressed.....Again.

I have no idea why I have been feeling like this lately but I am a little depressed. It is so hard dealing with having to see other people happy and me just sitting in the wings.

I know it sounds like I am having a pity party but I guess I have been reverting lately.  I want to change all my 8mm video to DVD but I feel it's going to get me even more depressed.

They all depict a great and wonderful relationship with the family as a whole.  I have some good things happening to me in the future but I guess since I don't know how it turns out, I'm scared.

I may be 6 feet tall and a big looking brute but I scare easily.  Only with the uncertain.  I can usually tell what's going to happen to me and so forth but I can't see anything.  I can't feel anything.  It's almost as if I was numb.

Oblivious to anything and everything that is important to me.  Then, because I am not paying attention, my focus tends to go towards my ex-wife and I lose it.  I am writing this because, I guess, I have to vent.

If you get upset because you are reading this and saying "Oh my God Kenny!  Get over it already!" then you have no idea the heartbreak I am going through.  I appreciate the comfort some friends offer me but they disappear when I need them the most.

Then, they appear when they go thru another crisis for me to get them out of.  At a minimum, I support them 100%.  I want to cry.  But, how does it look for a 46 year old man crying for a woman that doesn't deserve him to begin with?

For the record, I don't miss her.  I miss what we had at one time.  A beautiful, inseparable relationship that was going to last forever.  As I have stated before, I want to know what I did.

And the way it looks now, it looks like I am never going to know.  So, How do I wish this person good luck and ask God to bless her?  I as told to forgive so that I can go and forgive myself.  For What!!!  I didn't do anything wrong except take care of her like a husband should.

FUCK!!!  The shit is that I feel I am going to use that experience and deny the person I find, if any, the same courtesy's they deserve.  I like opening doors for women.  I like paying for dinner, sending them flowers, walking with them and just listen to their stories.

I like helping them with wise advice.  I just can't get a break!  I love my kids but it is obvious the damage that their mother has done to them.  My daughter is in desperate need for a mother figure and even tho my mother tries it's just never enough.

My son doesn't trust any of his girlfriends so most, if not all, of his relationships don't last at all.  He fears they will break his heart like his mother did so he breaks their hearts first.

Well, I am going to bed.  More to come......I guess.

Morals and Values

You know, all my life I have tried to enact the morals and values my grandfather has instilled in me.  I believe it was important that I perfect these priceless gestures so that it just come out instinctively and naturally.

These are the same morals and values that I want my children to pick up as well.  They need to be great humans in a society that rarely shows its emotions on its sleeve.  I know I have done well so far and I believe that once they are on their own, they will conquer any obstacles while feeling good about themselves and where they came from.

I bring the subject up because I feel that I've been doing all of this for nothing.  All it takes is one selfish, self-centered, manipulative person to change your views or, at the least, change your heart for the worse.

Sometimes I feel that what I have learned was a waste of time and energy.  That the promises that were made were made with fingers crossed behind their backs.  It's an unfortunate circumstance but the truth is the truth.

I can only speak for myself but I am sure that there are others that can feel my grief.  Others that have been abused because they are generous and loyal.  I will, however, be representing myself.

I'm at a point in my life that I should be able to identify any/every attempt at me to make my life hell.  The question that always comes up is, What did I do to deserve this?  I always end up with the answer that God does things for a reason.

After all the lessons, teachings and disciplines regarding my morels and values, I am disappointed.  My Grandfather, may he rest in peace, is probably shaking his head right about now. 

I look at myself in the mirror and all I see is FAT.  Unfortunately it is true.  I will not, however, allow my weight to define me.  I am a great person.  I am intelligent, experienced, artistic and so forth.  

I know that any woman that sees beyond the look, will truly see what a great catch I am. This woman will also wonder why my previous relationship didn't work.  She will come to the conclusion that my ex-wife left a great family.

That alone will be karma enough but I want more.  I want full remorse.  I want to know why?  It's been a question that has been looming on the back burner and I believe it needs to be answered.

Was I not enough of a  gentleman to her?  Could I have done more to fight for the relationship?  Should I have treated her like shit to save our marriage?  I know the latter is absurd but I feel that some women need to be treated badly and if that's the case, I would still be single because I am not like that.

After thinking about it, I know I did right by her.  I also know that Karma works in mysterious ways.  I believe it so therefore it's inevitable.  I'm glad I have this blog.  It sounds different when it's written out.  I will continue being me.  God will take care of the rest for me.

Hosting my own radio station

Well!  I've decided that I want my own Internet radio station.  I don't know why but I've been getting a lot of compliments about my voice.  I was told I should do radio.  So, I looked into it and decided to do an English and Spanish themed Radio Station.  50-50.

I used to listen to some radio stations but the existence of Payola is still in effect not allowing some great music to be played and/or acknowledged.

I will notify all my friends once i get all my ducks in a row.  I'm sure you will not be disappointed with my selections and/or interviews.  i want to base all of it on or around the Lower East Side/East Village.

Please, if you have any suggestions about what to play or talk about on the air, let me know through inbox or email me at PIANOKEN@AOL.COM.  I'm seriously excited about it!

To my friend

I have often written about how religion is nothing but energies seen in different views.  What people often feel in church  and is described as the "Holy" Spirit is, to me, the culmination of all the positive energies combining into one great energy enlightening the worshipers.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with that.  I have found that focusing with sincere emotion on something you want usually results in that energy providing you with what you are asking for from the start.  I also notice that saying some things over and over again increase the energy to your request every time you say it.

I know why prayers are said over and over again.  It brings a sense of peace to the one that is praying.  That sense is in fact an energy.  To re-focus one's energy on something new is a task in itself.  It is a new beginning with new obstacles to overcome.

I have this friend that has found that things around her have been deteriorating little by little.  She has been forced to say goodbye to a few friends and that alone has made her sad.  The aura that has set around her is one of a negative branding.

It is described as Karma.  What you put out in the world comes back to you.  People often take advantage of friends and they don't realize that they are damaging, not only their relationship, but the energies surrounding them as well.

I found myself in a similar predicament while I was still married.  It was obvious what the ex-wife was doing and , even though we won't specifically talk about that, there was a fog of negativity in my home.

It was about 12 midnight.  My ex-wife was out partying as usual with those friends that just wanted her to hang out.  I went to my window that faces the river and I began to pray.  I didn't pray the "Our Father" or any other set prayers.  I simply stood there talking to God.

I wept, I laughed and I prayed.  I prayed with sincere and powerful emotion and I asked the Almighty to remove all the negativity out of my life.  I even asked that if that meant my wife had to go, then so be it.  I was hoping that he would just set my Ex-wife on the right family path but instead, 9 days later, she was gone.

I was a pain that I thought I wouldn't be able to handle but I did.  I moved on.  I have never been such at peace as I am now.  Don't get me wrong, I know I must forgive her but it's not time yet.  I wish her the best and I bless her at night but I'm not ready yet.  Soon.  I hope.

In the past 3 years, I have lost friendships that went as far back as 30+ years.  Friends that I would have given my life for.  Friends, who's true colors came out when, I either needed them or they would throw me in front of the bus to impress another friend.

It's unfortunate but it's true.  I love each and every one of them but I needed that negativity out.  Se la vie.  I'm just writing today, I guess to convince myself that I am on the right track.  My kids are great and all is good in the Bravo household.  A little lonely as usual but hey, God is good and he will provide.

Back to my friend.  My advise to you is simple.  Things are going to get worse before they get better and you are probably going to lose more friends before you actually realize who your true friends really are.

As I told you before, surround yourself with friends that don't need nothing from you and are positive.  You will be fine!  I know.  Good Karma out, Good Karma back in.

In conclusion, to all my friends that have been reading this, Have a Happy and Healthy Holiday and New Year!!!!

12/21/12 Put yourself at ease!! Read

Hey everybody!

I just spent twenty minutes explaining to my children that the world will not end on 12/21/12.  A task which is not that easy.  I figured this would be a great time to put some at ease with this blog today as well.

Here is my first issue:

ready? okay! it may be the year 2012 for us but for:

the Hebrew calendar it's the year 5768

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the Chinese calendar it's the year 4706

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the reformed Indian calendar it's the year 1929. 

the Muslim Calendar it's the year 2987.

the Persian calendar it's the year 1386.

the Thereveda Buddhist calendar it's the year 2551.

Whose to say that any of our calendars are right?  If that's the case most of them have already past 2012.  

Nothing happened right?

According to the research that I have done:

the Mayans never predicted that this is the end of the world.  They, In fact, would have considered it an honor 

to witness the calendar turn over.  Once the calendar finishes the "Mayan Long Count" on the wheel, they just 

start it over again.  Much like our own Gregorian Calender ends 12/31 then begins a new calendar on 01/01.

For my friends that call themselves "Christians", I say unto 

you, Nor the Angels in heaven or the Son knows when the 

end will come.  Only the Father.  Matthew 24 35-36

5 Now, brothers and sisters, about times and dates we do not need to write to you, ² for you know very well that the day of the Lord will come like a thief in the night.

There will be no polarity shifts.  that takes 5000 -10,000 years to happen.

Although I believe that we are at the beginning of the end, I'm sure that there are more things to happen before it's time.

So, please don't lose any sleep over this.  I'm sure most of you realize that it has been the 21st in other parts of the world already for more than 1/2 a day!  What makes us so special that it has to end with us?

If you still feel like that then write all your valuables to me.  I need a car and some cash. 

Enjoy your day people and have a great nights sleep! 

What reason does he have for letting this happen?

This world never ceases to amaze me.  that's not necessarily a good thing.  These killings in Ct shouldn't have never happened.  These children, CHILDREN, didn't deserve to be cut down this early in life.

The coward took his own life after he killed 27 people, 18 of which were children.  What can we do to prevent this from ever happening again.  Stronger gun control laws.  Tell Clint Eastwood to retire already!  Tell Charleston Heston to mind his fucking business.  It's not the colonial times where we have to defend out country on farmlands.

Target shooting?  With Automatic machine guns?!  That's an animal right there!!!  I'm legitimately scared!  How am i going to feel when my children go to school on Monday?  I wonder if they are going to have some counseling for the children that ask about the CT murders?

Here is my prayer to God for the victims:

Heavenly Father Almighty God, on this solemn day and hour I ask and pray that you bring comfort to the

 families of this horrific tragedy. That you send your angels not only to accompany those that passed, those that

 survived. To bring comfort and security to the children that are witnesses. Father accept the victims into your

 arms so that they may be with you in the kingdom of heaven forever and ever! In Jesus' Almighty Name!

 AMEN. (We Pray)


I can't imagine what these families are going thru.  I often hear that God does things "For a 

reason". What reason does he have for letting this happen?