There's no crying in baseball!!

I don't know why but lately I've been kind of tearing when I see an inspirational movie.  I get that little palpitation and it feels like the end part of a hiccup.  A sigh.  A breath.  Maybe it's because I have been wearing my emotions on my sleeve or maybe covering them too well and they seek a way to be shown.  Don't know.

All I know is that as I'm watching Men of Honor with Cuba Gooden Jr and Robert DeNiro, I start tearing and feeling proud when he starts the final countdown of steps and reminds him and the court what is a diver!  Is that cheesy or what?  LOL

It gets worse.  I find myself looking around my apartment to make sure I'm alone when I know that I'm alone.  I was watching, "How too train your dragon" and guess what?  it brought tears to my eyes!  A freaking animation. 

The first time I ever cried at a movie was in an actual movie theatre.  When I saw the movie "The Champ" with Ricky Schroeder and Jon Voight.  Don't you know that when he died I cried like a newborn baby just got his ass hit!  I was 11 years old but still. 

Friends today make fun of others who cry at movies.  They put up fronts because they feel its unmanly.  Well, I have news for you, I've seen the biggest, toughest man I know cry at a movie.  It makes you human not a , what was I called?  Oh yes, A Pussy!  LOL

Usually I answer them with a saying but you know what?  I've learned that a little vulnerability turns a woman on.  It doesn't hurt to bring out your feminine side.  I admit I have one.  I like Broadway shows, fine dining and I like rough housing too.  A little slap on my ass helps me get going too! I guess what today's blog is that you are who you are.

When you show these emotions to others, they can see how you really are and determine for themselves whether they want to be friends or more than friends.  That's when you see if you are compatible or not.  So, for those that know me, don't make fun because I've seen some of you Negros crying too!  For those that don't, look out because here I come!!!!

Advice given is not always advice Taken.

I shouldn't even be talking about this.  I'm the first one not to take advice.  Well, that's not true.  I like to look at other people situations and learn from their mistakes as well as mine.  I have learned to appreciate other people's experiences and have used them to my advantage.

I just don't understand how people can ask for advice, be it directly or indirectly, and not take heed to any of it.  Not even a small portion.  In FB there's a member of my group that is in a very bad situation.  She is in a financially restrained, abusive, disrespectful relationship and feels that she has to be there.  As if there is no way out.

Most of the members in my group have given her excellent advise but she will not take it due to the fact that she will not leave her pets behind.  Me, personally, sorry to say, but the pets have to stay.  At least until I would get situated and If I had to go to court for them I would.  Maybe leave them with a friend until then?

There was a time when I wasn't listening to my friends either.  In fact, it was a party at my house.  A pity party and the only one attending was me.  My friends refused to feel sorry for me because they all new it would get better someday.  I thank them for that.

I just want people to know that Life's lessons don't come cheap.  Especially to those that have wronged you.  Again, Karma.  So, If you ask for advice and don't heed, not even the smallest part of it, then don't ask and don't expect things to change for you.  I'm pretty sure some of them loved responding but I have to be tough here.  NO ONE will be feeling sorry for you or will come and sweep you off your feet out of that hell hole.  Sorry.  just saying....

My venting

Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, I extend my deepest apologies for my last blog entry.  It seems that I was doing fine until , well, you know.  Anyway, I want to thank all those that wrote back to me telling me how it is.

I know already where I have to be but do appreciate the advise and experience.  Again, I was doing much better.  I found myself smiling more and doing things that I won't usually do.  Life is getting better for me, I just needed to vent a little so that I don't go out and commit a crime to release the anger.

So quickly I will say, I can always count on your honesty and appreciate your comments even tho you guys don't leave your names.  Especially the one that said grow a pair!  LOL   that's funny, if you only knew!!!!

Have a good day Everyone!!!   LOL

This single dad thing

You know, sometimes as I write I tend to hold tears back.  They are not tears of sadness or pain but rather tears of frustration and anger.  I was reminded this weekend that I shouldn't take credit for stepping up and being a single dad.  I agree, kind of.  The reason I may disagree is because single dads these days don't get enough credit.  Especially since there are not as many as there should be.

Anyway, My anger stems from the ex wife.  The woman that got up and left her family after 16 years without even trying to save the relationship.  Not necessarily for me but for the sanity of the children.  I know, I know, I shouldn't stay with someone for the kids but she never gave me an opportunity to find out.

I don't know of any mothers that would leave their families.  Coward!!!!   Why the fuck did you have the family if you couldn't handle it?  Sorry people.  This is my blog and my opinion and probably the only way for me to truly vent. 

I love my kids to death.  From the two of us, I won the children.  She may have the freedom and the life but I have my kids.  I'm proud to be a father and anyone that tries to take the glory out of that can kiss my ass. 

I've also been advised to forgive the ex and forget.  Well, that is most definitely easier said than done.  How can you forgive someone that tore your heart out and bit into it?  How can you forgive someone that has no problem in flaunting what they have to make you feel worse?

I was doing so good until I spoke to her today.  I was happier and smiling more.  Enjoying life regardless of how hot it is outside.  I know what it is to hate and I feel terrible for hating.  I don't have any other way to approach her and her actions.  My only goal right now is to provide a happy life for my kids and to, every once in a while, enjoy the company of a beautiful woman.

What I'm basiaclly saying is that I don't forgive her.  She doesn't deserve forgiveness because she has no heart.  She is selfish and a liar.  She has no remorse and doesn't realize that there are consequences for her actions.  I said it before but my only solace is that Karma is a motherfucker and she'll pay for her actions in this life and the next.

God bless all the single dads that are doing a GREAT job with their children.

Chinese guy

Okay, so I go to the hospital for my usual appointment and in my usual diabetic fashion, I have to pee.  Okay, I'm looking around to see where was the closest bathroom and off I go!   LOL  When I open the door I see a middle aged Chinese man coming out of the stall.  i walk into it because I like the room/space to pee and I see that he didn't flush.

that's fine.  We are human.  All we need tho, is maybe a push in the right direction to correct our faults.  We are not all raised the same way, you know.  So, Instead of peeing, I turn right around and get the Chinese man.  By the way, I also noticed that he didn't wash his hands.

I tap him on the shoulder with my middle finger, keeping clear of his dirty hands as he turns around.  I say, "Excuse me sir, maybe you didn't notice but you forgot to flush."  He looked at me like I was talking German but held the usual smile they ALL carry when they don't understand you.

Personally, I think that's a cultural thing and they are taught that when they come to the United States.  It's works 98% of the time in getting over most situations.  Anyway, I told him again with no avail.  The next time I told him , i found myself talking broken English.  "you no flush!"  and pointed to the bathroom.

He still apparently didn't understand.  I have no problems with anybody but c'mon!  I tried one more time but this time, i found myself kind of making fun of him.  Don't know why, it just happened!!  I very slowly told him, "YOU>>>>>NO>>>>>FRUSH!!!!!   LOL

He still didn't understand.  He apparently thought he was going to get away with it and started smiley then walking away.  I said no way you're leaving without flushing.  I tapped him again and with my finger I did the come here motion.  He didn't move.  Just smiled.

Little did he know that I know many people in the hospital.  I saw my Chinese nurse friend and asked her to translate.  She did and he still didn't move.  In fact, he started yelling at her like if he was offended.  I had to laugh.  Look at the nerve of this guy.  He's the pig and he's offended?  Please!

My friend, the nurse, grabbed him by the shirt and put his ass in the bathroom.  Waited next to him and had him flush.  I reminded her that he didn't wash his hands and she of course, made him wash his hands.

It was funny as hell because as he left he had his head down, maybe of shame and right before he went into the exit staircase he said in perfect, New York English.  "Thank You very much!  You have a pleasant day!"  "What!!!"

I pee'd a little in my pants.  Couldn't help it!  Had to go and was laughing so hard!!  I guess he knew he couldn't get away with it!   My nurse friend chased him down the stairs in good ol' Chinatown fashion!  Even Funnier!!!  SMH!!!

A small message

The following topic has made me wonder for many years and I'm pretty sure that there are a select few persons that would be able to answer my question with honesty and respect.  At the young age of 9, my mother had a roommate.  It was a very nice woman.  Homebody, respectful and fun.  I mean, at 9 years old all you are really looking for is fun, fun and more fun!

Anyway, This young lady wasn't the prettiest woman I've ever seen but, hey, to each there own.  As the days went by, she brought into my house many gay men and lesbian women.  I was introduced to the gay community at an early age.  It never occurred to me that she was gay.  It wasn't till after my mother threw her out that I realized she was gay.

I don't think I have to get into details regarding the situation.  Let's just say that some alcohol was involved and some disrespect.  long story short, she was out.  The reason I bring her up is because some of her friends were dressed like men.  I don't know what it was called back then but now it's called dressing aggressively.

I pushed it aside and continued with my life.  In Seward, there were very and I mean very few girls that dressed that way.  In fact, I think I may remember just one.  So I wasn't around them to often.  More gay boys than girls.  Some of you know a few so we won't mention their names but I must say that even they were confused back in high school!  LOL

When I started working for the Ryan/Nena health center, I was working around many of them.  I believed that at the time, it was a requirement that you had to be gay to get the job on the "Educational Services" floor.  Another fancy title for HIV services.

I was even accused of "Rapping" to one of the woman's girlfriend.  I must admit, she was beautiful but I respected her situation.  The lover threatened me to the point where I got mad and I told her simply, "Listen Melissa!  You want to be dressed like a Man, I'll fuck you up like a man!  Don't overstep because I didn't disrespect you.  you need to respect me!"

My other coworkers came out and squashed the situation.  I'm telling you, as I type these words I get a flashback.  I would have fucked her up big time.  I was was told that I have to tolerate the gay/lesbian community.  I don't want to tolerate them.  I needed to accept them.  I believe there is a difference and I thought that I did until that day.

In dealing with many aggressive women, I've noticed that they don't like men.  They don't trust men and they give men such a negative vibe that it makes men uncomfortable.  Maybe it's just my specific situation but that's how I feel.

I had a very close friend that I met at my daughter's daycare.  She was a beautiful person.  Great heart.  intelligent, I mean, the list can go on and on.  At first she told me that she was bisexual.  It didn't bother me one bit.  We got even closer.  She started seeing an aggressive woman and after a few months later, I never saw her again.  I tried to keep in touch but to no avail.

I just found it very weird that after I met her partner, she wasn't talking to me anymore.  The reality is that all I did was help her and guide her through some serious stuff.  She was the one I asked, "Why do the masculine side of a lesbian couple dress like men, act like men but hate men?"  She honestly saw what I meant but couldn't answer the question.

When asked about the gay marriage topic, I usually say what I say to a normal couple, fuck 'em!  LOL  If they want to know what it is to go thru the agony that is marriage then by all means.  Good luck with that.  I'm very comfortable with everybody but for some reason, I feel I pose a threat to Aggressive lesbians.  I honestly don't mean to.  I just do which by the way, was confirmed this Saturday past. 

So, to rap it up, I guess, I want to send all the aggressive lesbian population a message.  You want to be treated equally, then treat EVERYBODY with the respect you expect.  You'll feel better and we'll feel better.  Remember, Not all men want to sleep with your wife!!!!

Good luck with that!!

Friends?

As I watched the recorded TV show, "So you think you can dance"  I was reminded of a special set of circumstances from years ago.  They did a dance where the male got left at the alter and his best friend, the female, came and picked him up out of it and then ended up falling in love.

It was beautiful.  Brought back many memories.  Not of my present situation but rather a friend I had in the past.  She is beautiful, smart and funny.  Everything I look for in a woman.  I opened my heart to her but she felt that we would ruin our special friendship if we were to further evolve into a couple.

I had always thought that I would marry my best friend.  Ever since I was a young laddie and didn't know what love was.  Years passed and she went her separate way and I went mine.  We still keep in touch but we have our own lives to lead.  It's one of the few regrets I have in my life.

I bring this up because I notice that there are many people around me and on social networks that are looking for love.  You may be surprised.  It could actually be right in front of you in the form of a friend, someone you like chatting with, or even someone you look for on facebook.

I say please don't rule out any possibilities just because you are hurt or have been deceived.  Things happen for a reason and I believe if a door closes a window opens ever so slightly but its open.  If I would ever notice the opportunity again, I will take it.  Life's too short to be saying what if?

To the girl that I've loved before, I miss you.  I still love you but I respect your situation.  Just remember, you will always have family with me!!!! 

Thanks For listening!!  wow!!  longtime coming!!!!