Another day

Well, it's another day and I've been thru so much lately.  Where do I begin?  In my last blog entry, I put down that even family can't be trusted.  The loyalty is more important to me than most other values.  I am still trying to believe that but there are many situations that cause me to see differently.

In recent weeks, I have been placed in situations where my small reputation has been place in jeopardy.  My reliance on someone else is usually mute unless I am very close and that person has never screwed me before.

I don't place trust on people easily.  To me, trust must be earned.  Again, I have had to change the outcome to save face.  When this is all said and done, you will know the outcome by my failure or my success. I've committed to this project and I'll be damned if I'm going to look bad on it.

Also, my ex-wife is driving from Texas to pick up our children so that they can stay with her for two weeks.  She will bring them back driving as well.  I feel that she just does whatever she wants regardless of what I'm feeling or even considering a conversation with me.

My main goal is the security and safety of my children.  By her driving over there, she makes the risks higher than flying. So, if you are reading this, I ask for your prayers to keep my children safe throughout their cross country adventure and have God bring them back safe and sound.

Also, after all the nonsense that my ex wife has done to both me and the children, I still don't trust her as far as I can throw her.  She lost all forms of trust with me and she expects me to just give it to her simply because she is their mother and it's a given. Well, News flash, uh, NO!

I hope I'm doing the right thing by my kids and even tho I will be alone for two weeks and I will miss them, I hope they have a wonderful time on this trip.

Finally, in this entry I want to say that I am still depressed.  I am a little scared that it will be a deeper depression when the kids are out and I realize that I'm alone.  Again.  This is no joke.  I feel like someone has put a serious curse on me and It's working.

It's not allowing me to meet anyone new. To hang with old friends due to scheduling conflicts or to be invited to get together's because most of the people there are in couples or have something against me. (Even tho they won't admit or approach me with the problem).

Yes, it may be a little paranoia but the bottom line is that I'm still alone.  Don't get me wrong, I truly appreciate those that I have considered friends and are still there for me.  I just don't want to interrupt their lives for me and I understand that.

I'm lonely.  I'm tired.  I'm upset at some parts of life and of how some of my, "So-called" friends, are selfish and only think of themselves without seeing the consequences or rewards of their actions.  Anyway, Have a wonderful day!