An insight on how I've been feeling lately.

I've got to be honest with you.  I've been thinking a lot about the past and my present situation.  It's very difficult not to go a day without thinking of that one person.  Anyway, How I've been feeling and how I've been thinking are two separate things.  I've been feeling like something major is coming my way and it's a good thing.

Honestly, whatever good that comes to me will be a blessing.  I think I have earned anything good.  It's just trying to get the negative energy out of my life and the positive energy in.

The problem is that whenever I'm doing well, something happens to rewind my situation.  How does one remove 16 years of a relationship from their minds?  That's a good question.  I've just realize that I will be alone for Christmas.  I'm actually looking forward to it.

It will give me another reason to set my goals up and follow through next year.  I haven't reached my preset goals yet but I will make it even if it kills me!  I'm telling you that I have woken up the other day with the highest of praises for my God the Father!!!
I love him so and HE will guide me through and fight this battle that I think I have been losing.  At least, emotionally.  I'm physically drained but life goes on.

I'm finding that everyone is taken on there own little cliques and because I was part of my own clique, when it broke up I wasn't allowed to enter others.  I understand that I'm just an acquaintance to most people.  I don't get offended.  Most people were just acquaintances to me too!  No worries though, I'll be part of some clique again some day, at least for now I have my children and God.

It sucks to be loved and appreciated then it taken away.  It should be a decision made by two but life wouldn't allow that.  I don't want to go there.  For those reading this, I want to thank you in taking a minute to read how I am and I want to wish you a glorious Christmas and a wonderful New Year!

BTW:  It's NOT a pity party, just a way to vent!  Love ya!!!

a simple prayer

I have been feeling a little down lately.  I think its the time of year.  I, however, have decided to thank God for all that I do have.  I have two great kids, A place to live and plenty of facebook friends.  I would rather have plenty of real friends but I reserve that right to a certain few.

You guys know who you are.  LOL  Anyway, i want  to make this short and sweet.  So,
Merry CHRISTmas and happy new year to all that read this and all that don't.

Prayer from me to you.

Heavenly Father, Almighty God, during this wonderful time of celebration of your son, Jesus Christ, I ask and pray that you give everyone the gift of love.  For you have loved us so that you have given us the gift of your son and our salvation.  May you grant us all, peace and happiness and allow those that need to receive.  In his Almighty name I ask.  AMEN.

A bald Disney Princess

It was about 2:45 in the morning and I had gotten up to use the restroom.  Anyway, for some reason I decided to pay all of my bills in one shot.  The time was right, it was quiet and I did it in less than 15 minutes.  I decided to go on facebook.

A friend of mine posted that Disney should make a Princess without hair so that little girls suffering and fighting cancer can feel that they too are beautiful.  it almost brought a tear to my eye.  It touched me profoundly and I don't know why.

Anyway, I wrote Disney a letter suggesting the idea and posted that letter on FB.  I've gotten a few responses from other friends on FB.  I must say that I would be sooo impressed if Disney actually did that.  Maybe, a Prince and Princess, undercover in a hospital to deal with cancer can meet. 

Maybe they hate each other in the beginning.  A conceited Prince and a very beautiful but unhappy Princess try to make the best of there situation.  I think I see a story there.  Don't know if it would be an action packed 3D Cartoon but something is something,

I think that even, maybe, I would take a jab at writing something like that.  It would interest me a lot as to how I would develop the characters.  The children going through this horrible situation should be represented by some major character.

A Disney Princess would be the perfect icon.  The idea needs to be presented to children that haven't been convinced that beauty is everything.  With the exceptions of those mothers who are living the pageant life vicariously through their daughters, the target market should be absolutely perfect.

I never question God's plan.  I just believe that he has a special place for children and maybe our ideas can motivate Disney to do what's right.  thanks.

"House" Review

I always said that I was going to, not only talk about my life, but other stuff as well.  Today, I want to talk about the TV series "House".  The beginning was very interesting.  Starting out doing time made me look at the character in a different light.  I'm glad he knew how to take care of himself.

The removal of the character, Lisa Cuddy was uncalled for.  There is a rumor that the producers of the show asked her to take a pay cut.  She refused so they dropped her from the roster, so to speak.  I wouldn't take a pay cut either since her character was a vital love interest in the series. 

I think they just got them together too soon when they should have held on to the last season of house so that they can end up together then.  Also, what good was doing time?  He still is addicted to pain killers.  They brought in the little Filipino Girl and that new hot Doctor from the jail.

Her I get but the munchkin?  I think they are training her to be like house but without the attitude.  And already, House is using her for all his bidding.  He just tricked the newbie to pay for his car repair.  I don't know how much more interesting can the show be?

I'm also very tired of the Foreman character.  First of all, he walks like he has House's cane up his ass while still having a hanger in his jacket.  I don't like the actor "Epps" and I don't like the way he portrays the character.  They should have gotten rid of him instead of Cuddy.

I'm thinking this will be the last season unless much more interesting characters come in and challenge House.  He's a dick but I think he needs to be humbled more.  He needs to suffer and empathize with people as well as learn from his friends.  It should go out with a bang!!

Feeling Better

Well, I am going to try, every once in a while to check in.  It's hard for me because I usually have something important to say.  At least, important enough for me.  Well, after many months of therapy, I've been feeling better.  Little by little I am learning to "Let it go".

It's not forgiveness mind you but rather a state of mind where I don't mind anymore.  I have to learn that even though I am following the golden rule, I can't control other peoples actions or feelings.  God has a plan for me and I believe he has put it in motion.

I blame facebook for my situation but it turns out that facebook will correct the problem.  I have met many wonderful new friends on facebook and at a minimum I'm having a good time with them.  Nothing major or even minor for that matter in regards to a relationship, but at least I am me. 

I've changed my attitude to where I don't care about how others feel about me or if I say something that will hurt their feelings.  I have to say what I want to say and that's that.  If I hurt your feelings, well, too fucking bad.  If you are truly my friend, you will understand that I really don't mean anything I say anyway.

On that subject, I truly believe that a TRUE friend will argue with you and fight with you but will always love you unconditionally.  I have a friend who I've noticed that I've gotten soooo mad that she has to hang up on the conversation before she curses me out.  We all have opinions and if yours is not like mine, well, let's "Agree to Disagree".  That helps all the time.

We cannot dwell on the past because that's when the mud from the past clings to our shoes preventing us to take a step forward.  To my old friends, whom I love very much and value our friendships, thank you for being there thru all my bullshit.

To my new friends, prepare, but remember, I will be there for you as much as you are there for me.  To my new "Friends", I would like to get to know you better.  you know who you are!  Anyway, this is my entry for today.  I am writing again so I must go, The play will be done soon!  Love ya! 

Ken

McDonald's again?

Well, it's been a while since I posted but I think it is time once again.  So, I drop off my daughter at her school in a cab and decide to go get McDonald's for breakfast.  I like their breakfast.  The moment I walked in I realized that it was going to be a while because there was a long line at the counter.

As I was waiting my turn, a young white woman walked up to the counter and asked if she can use the bathroom.  It was obvious that she was on her way to work but had to stop for a second.  As she approached the counter, she just happened to catch the manager at the register. 

She wasn't a vagabond or a homeless person.  She asked the manager if she can use the bathroom and the manager seemed to ignore her.  Finally the manager said that she could not use the bathroom unless she purchased something.  The young lady began to explain that she is a neighbor and that she purchases a lot from there but that she had to use the bathroom. 

The manager still said no.  When asked if she was the manager, the Manager didn't respond.  She knew where it was going.  Finally, after multiple attempts to find what the managers name was, the manager looked at her and said, "Theresa".  The young lady said "Thank You, have a nice day!"  She walked out.

After all this happened, it was finally my turn at the counter.  I had a feeling something wrong was going to happen so I prepared myself mentally for it.  A young Spanish girl, who seemed to be a lesbian with a chip on her shoulder, took my order.  Personally, I don't care what you are, just treat me with the same respect that I am treating you with.

Anyway, I approach the counter, make my order, pay the order and move away from the counter as to not say or stir up any reason for them to get nasty with me.  She then takes the next order and fills it before mine.  I let that go because there was still a little tension in the air.

She began packaging my order and I watch carefully.  As she was doing it, she was conversing with the manager about the whole situation.  In my experience with McDonald's employees, if they don't concentrate on the order at hand, the fuck it up.  Always happens.

On the other side of the counter, I waited and she gave me my order.  i asked her if she can "double-check" my order so that I don't have to come back.  She looked at me with contempt, grabbed the bag within the bag, pulled it out and briefly looked in.  I asked is there a problem with double-checking?  She said that she already had read the order to me.

I said I know that but you read it over there on the other side of the counter before you packaged it.  Again, Is there a problem in double-checking the order?  She said that it wasn't her job to double-check that it was mine.  I stepped back, looked at her then looked at the manager who was standing right next to us the whole time this was going on.

I wanted to get into this discussion, on a very professional level, but the counter person cut the conversation short and walked away from me.  I turned to the manager again and looked at her as if to say "And you're not going to do anything?".  She just smiled.  I walked out.

This is the McDonald's on 6th street and first avenue.  I've had problems with the one on 14th st and first and the one on Madison st.  I've gotten people fired for bullshit like this.  This time was no exception.  i called the appropriate people and lets just say that it won't be happening again and I'm getting free sandwiches and desserts to boot.

I hope you enjoyed the story.  You're more than welcome to say anything you want!  LOL  Fun times I swear!   Love ya!

Women.......sheesh!

Outsourcing Petition.

Hey Everybody!  The other day, in fact, the day of the earthquake, I was going to a meeting and I noticed that the meeting place was by Congresswoman Nydia M. Velasquez's office.  The funny thing about this is that the only song that came to my mind was from the Saturday morning educational cartoons Schoolhouse rock's "I'm only a bill".

I've been teaching my daughter that if she has problem with a business or anything for that matter that she feels is unjust, she could do something about it.  For instance, We had a terrible time at the movie theatre so we complained about our experience at the theatre and we were given 6 free movie vouchers for our discomfort.

We had a problem at a few McDonalds regarding their McFlurry machines and a few attitudes behind the counter and we complained.  They sent us a couple of coupons for free ice cream and coffee drinks.  Then they fixed the problem.  I'm explaining all this because I know that if you know what you are doing, one persons opinion can change anything.

In following what I had learned from the cartoon, I know that a law has to begin with a bill proposed by a congressperson.  Well, I took my daughter in to the office and explained that I am a constituent and that I've written many letters but nothing has even been acknowledged.

They gave me a new e-mail to send it and it will be reviewed.  I would love for those that read the following to comment as much as they want and pass the word so that our Congresswoman can see we are tired of the Bullshit.

I've always believed that charity begins at home.  If we can't support ourselves, why would we support others.  Outsourcing has become such an American Tradition that over 50% of American base companies are hiring others outside because the hourly rates are cheaper.

When we do this, we show our own family that we don't care about each other.  The unemployment rate rises with no hope of diminishing because everyone else outside the USA has our jobs.  What I don't understand is that if we are the main consumers of a product/service here, why not hire within?

I know that the rates are cheaper let's say like in India but I'm pretty sure the government can grant, if they haven't already, special tax breaks for companies that employ Americans.  No offense to their countries but I'm getting tired of talking to people that call themselves Meg when in reality their name is Indira.

That's beginning a conversation with a lie.  How much confidence do I now have with a woman that lied to me already.  I'm writing a letter to my congresswoman and attaching this link to the letter.  I want her to see that we actually do care and we will do anything it takes to make a law that prohibits outsourcing for companies that are either based in America or has Americans buying/using the majority of their products.

If you feel that outsourcing is wrong, please comment and leave your name even if you have to use the anonymous function.  Let Ms. Velasquez know that we are American Citizens and we need jobs.
Thank You.

Getting Over

I've got to say, I think I've been feeling a little better about things.  I'm not missing that person at all.  Although things have gotten tough here and there, I know God has paved a new road for me and I will achieve some sort of joy and happiness in my life.

The lesson I learned about my situation is that I can't control any one's action except my own.  i know, i know, I should have known that from the start but I felt like I knew what i was doing.  When in a relationship, after a while it becomes symbiotic. 

A life where one has a hard time surviving if the other isn't attached.  It makes you a bigger person once the other becomes a leech and starts to drain the life out of you.  Doing stupid things that are both disloyal and disrespectful.

I've been told by some of my closest friends/family to "Snap out of it!"  My usual response was "It's easier said than done."  I know most of you can relate to this but I couldn't.  It was harder than it looks.  I've been blessed.  The storm has completely passed me and I'm looking forward to just being me again.

During the last 5 years, I have lost friend, friendships and a good amount of trust.  Although I feel I had nothing to do with the reasons for my losses, I will take responsibility, if any.  I could have been nicer, could have gone out more, could have let people vent etc.....  

The coulda, shoulda, wouldas are in the past and I really don't want to deal with them now.  What I'm basically saying people is that, I've grown since all this has happened, I may revert a bit every once in a while but I think that I have every right do do that. 

To all that read this, Please have faith that I will be better and I thank all of you that were there when I needed you the most.  Even in the smallest of ways.  That smile that you made me do for telling that stupid joke or even that response to a comment I made.  I know you are there.

To those that like to INFLICT there "Tough Love" on me.  Well, you obviously know that I need it and are not afraid to accept my responses to them as well.  Thank you.

My court date

It's been a while since I posted a blog.  This is more for me to have as a record.  On august 17th, 2011,
I had a date in court.  It was to determine, by the judge, an order of visitation for the kids to visit Texas for two weeks with their mother.

Prior to the court date, my children were interviewed by each individuals lawyers to express what they are feeling about the case and what they want as an outcome.  Without prvocation, my children express to me that they didn't want to go to Texas, more so that they didn't want to meet their mothers boyfriend.

I go to court with the anticipation that everything will be fine and that te Judge will not send them to Texas because the children refuse to go.  When I get there to my surprise my, hopefully soon-to-be ex-wife, is there with her boyfriend.  Having been caught off guard, it REALLY upset me.

I sat down to wait to report in and I sent her a text message.  "That is distastefully disrespectful.  I would have NEVER done that to you, Thank you".  She had nothing to say.  Honestly, I've been told that since it bothered me so much, I must still have feelings for her.

Well, I have news for you guys that said that.  She is still my wife and we just got seperated from a 16 year marriage.  She is the mother of my children and we have many wonderful memories together.  The WHOLE marriage wasn't bad.  It was just the last few years.

So, OF COURSE!  I still love her.  It doesn't mean I want her back andrekindle what we have.  It just means that at one point in our lives we took care of each other and the family!  Anyway, I'm getting off track.  The news that the judge didn't come in to work came and I got happy.

This means that the kids are staying in NY.  After the news, I asked her from a distance if I can speak to her.  Her lawyer saw that and immediately came to represent her.  My lawyer never showed up by the way.  He wasn't supposed to talk to me.

They asked me that since she was only in NY one day, can she visit with the kids.  I was upset.  I explained that what she did was disrespectful and in the midst of aggresive lawyering, I told HER that I would let her know.  I spoke to my brother and he convinced me that its for the kids.

I called her back and told her that she can pick up the kids at 2 and have them back by 6pm.  The only condition was that she follow what her lawyer suggested and have her boyfriend not with her when she is with the kids.  After talking to the kids, they were happy about not going to Texas but still didn't want to meet him.

She agreed and picked them up.  She came back an hour late and the kids told me he showed up and their mother made them promise that they don't tell me that he did,  My daughter was very upset and crying when she got home.  My son was angry because he was forced to meet him when he didn't want to.

I know this long.  I'm very upset for my kids.  I still wonder what was it that I did in my lifetime to be disrespected and abused the way this woman has been doing.  There are a few of you that side with her.  that's fine.  Everyone is entitled to there own opinion.  I just wish that you can walk a mile in my shoes before coming up with one.

Last entry comments

This mornings post is a response to a few comments that were left on the last post.  I totally understand what everybody is saying about Karma and letting it go but I really didn't write it to mean what you guys thought it meant.

Maybe, I need to read what I post before I post it!  LOL...I've been doing better on a daily basis and I have a lot less contempt for my ex than I thought I would.  I don't completely blame her for the negativity in my life but I have reason to believe that some more than not.

Forgiveness comes when the soul has learned to exist with the abuser.  I can't see myself forgiving someone who has hurt my children so much but my satisfaction will come when I see my kids raised in a proper, civil and mostly loved environment.

I learned to take my pain and turn it around and now I am strengthened and much more wiser.  Sorry, back to the ranch, I posted the last entry because I believe in energies that surround me.  Most of us have identified them as entities.  The Almighty Father, Jesus, various Saints and spirits as well as Angels.

I believe and love God so much!  Anyway, To believe in him one must logically believe in the devil.  His energies and spirits can haunt a persons soul.  They are energized by people who hate and envy to the point where you can see/feel them.

That's all I'm saying.  For the record:  I'm almost completely past my situation and are moving on to better and brighter days.  Thanks to my friends.  The few of them that have been there.  God bless and love you all.  Thanks!!

A Cleaning

(This entry is just my mind thinking)

It's been so weird in my house.  I sit on my sofa and I see shadows pass by through the corner of my eye.  As I walk pass the kitchen I feel a chill and goosebumps on my arms.  It can't be anything bad right?

I know that in every Spanish/Black family, there is someone that believes in the spiritual side of life.  I am no exception and what I have learned is sufficiently enough to protect me and my family but I don't know how to get rid of this presence in my home.

I think it's a build up of negative energy being sent my way via people that don't want me to succeed with my kids and life.  I can only speculate who it is but I can't point the finger in that direction.  It is possible but is it plausible?

I guess I will have to do something a Facebook friend taught me and that is to P.U.S.H. "Pray Until Something Happens".  A little Agua Florida and holy water will do some justice as well.  What I need is for that person/s to get what they deserve so, with my prayer I will finish it by saying "Que Dios te multiplique todo lo que tu me deseas" for you non-speaking spanish folk, "May God multiply on you all that you wish on me!"

Then after that, I will have no choice but to clean the mess I have in my house.  It's not dirty, it's just an organized mess!  Thank you for reading my mind a bit!  Enjoy!

Seward Park Memories

In September of 1981, I was accepted and began to attend the high school known as Seward Park.  Back in the day, it was my zoned school so to say I was accepted is an exaggeration.  Anyway, I had heard so much negative rumors about the school that I really didn't want to go to it.

As you are well aware, if you are a Seward Graduate, you know that you begin your Seward life at the Annex.  As I entered the Annex, I hated it even more.  There were days that I didn't even go!  Of course, I probably still hold the All-Time cutting record.  I hated the Annex.  Nothing good there for me. 

When I started the main, it was a whole different world.  I felt like the Annex was boot camp, getting you ready for the main.  The transition was much easier.  I'm writing all this because I'm remembering the old neighborhood surrounding the main. 

I remember the old Chinese lady that used to hang out her window chasing the spirits away.  In fact, I know a few students that used to throw oranges at her from the school windows!  I won't mention any names but you know who you are!  LOL

I remember Guss Pickles on Essex Street as well as Economy candy on the corner of Essex and Rivington.  I always had to grab a handful of peanuts from there.  I tried giving ten dollars to his son for all those peanuts and he smiled.  He said not to worry because his father knew it was happening and he didn't mind.

My first job was on Orchard St. for Kim's children's clothing.  He expanded to leathers and stuff then his son took over.  Nice guy.  Now he has buildings on Orchard and is living the life.  Speaking of Orchard, I remember haggling for a pair of jeans with the Jewish Owners.  Since I was from the neighborhood I can haggle them down to practically free!

I remember that pizzeria on the corner of Essex and Delancey st.  I remember the custodians of the school Billy and Butch.  Great guys!  Let us get away with murder.  The weightlifting teacher Mr. Kessler who formed the group "Dogbrothers". 

I remember acting in about 15 shows and directing a few as well.  Apparently I was being called the Mayor of Seward even though I didn't see it.  I remember having my car parked outside in front with a department of Education permit waiting for third period to fly to queens and get white castles. Yes I know Murder burgers!

I remember every single place in Seward that I was able to fool around in.  I remember those friends that died since then and wonder would it have been different if they kept in touch.  For an old man I'm remembering a lot of things. 

I hope that I never forget them and I can share the stories with my friends and children for a very long time.  If you read this and remember anything else add to it, Please!!!  Thanks for listening!

Bicycle Lanes

Okay people, I was holding on to this subject for a while but I know now that it's time.  We need to talk about bicycle lanes.  Mayor Bloomberg, in his ultimate wisdom, has decided to not only add but expand some major thorough ways to fit in bike lanes.

Now, i understand totally but I was told he did that because the head of transportation in his office rides bike to work and was having problems along the way.  They totally destroyed Allen Street and now you can't even make a left to the Williamsburg Bridge off of Delancey street.  you have to go all the way to Grand st and turn or go up Grand to Norfolk into more traffic.

the way I see it is that if it was to progress then fine, but it obviously has been counter productive.  On top of that, if you have a car and double park on the bike lane, it's an automatic ticket.  No Tolerance for it!!!  C'mon, that's ridiculous.  It's bad enough, DOT has every single Indian and Jamaican working for them.  they have a nasty attitude too, like if we don't know they have a quota.  Duh!

It burns my balls when I see a bicyclist riding his bike on the sidewalk almost hitting me and my daughter, while having the bike Lane not two feet from us.  I mean, common sense.  Then they have the balls to get mad at me when I yell at them to ride the street.  I think that I will have to hurt somebody really bad if me or my daughter ever get hit with a bike.

I may be venting a little but this is why I started the blog.  Bicyclists"  Get off the freaking sidewalk and into your lane which has fucked up Manhattan already.  if they made them then they should be used!! No?  People, don't give anybody a reason to  hurt you for something as stupid as that.  Right now I believe that the only persons using the lanes are the Mexican delivery boys from the Chinese restaurants!   I just had to say something!!!!   LOL  Funny but truth!!

Be yourself

Well, well , well...I see that this dating game is a little harder than I thought.  I believe there comes a time where you should stick to what you want in a relationship/friendship regardless what is told to you.  I mean, I know once you set a goal for something it's hard to be derailed from it but to offer you one thing and end up with another is really confusing.

Painting roses and rainbows in a relationship just to get someone interested is wrong on all accounts.  I previously asked, what do you do if you meet someone that is too good to be true?  Many of you wrote, Kenny, you must learn to trust again.  Others said that If it seems to good to be true, it is. 

Well, from my experience, it's the latter.  If it seems too good to be true, it is.  Maybe I'm not ready for any kind of relationship.  Maybe I just need to focus on myself and my kids but isn't that what I previously said?  LOL

Again, I think that the only "Kind" of relationship I need right now is a "FWB".  Y'all know what that is.  Oh well, until I find that one friend that is looking for the same thing, I guess I'll need a lot of vitamin E!

thanks for listening everybody!  I love you guys.

Be yourself

Well, well , well...I see that this dating game is a little harder than I thought.  I believe there comes a time where you should stick to what you want in a relationship/friendship regardless what is told to you.  I mean, I know once you set a goal for something it's hard to be derailed from it but to offer you one thing and end up with another is really confusing.

Painting roses and rainbows in a relationship just to get someone interested is wrong on all accounts.  I previously asked, what do you do if you meet someone that is too good to be true?  Many of you wrote, Kenny, you must learn to trust again.  Others said that If it seems to good to be true, it is. 

Well, from my experience, it's the latter.  If it seems too good to be true, it is.  Maybe I'm not ready for any kind of relationship.  Maybe I just need to focus on myself and my kids but isn't that what I previously said?  LOL

Again, I think that the only "Kind" of relationship I need right now is a "FWB".  Y'all know what that is.  Oh well, until I find that one friend that is looking for the same thing, I guess I'll need a lot of vitamin E!

thanks for listening everybody!  I love you guys.

Funny as shit

Well, this was one of the funniest days I have experienced in a while!   So, I'm sitting down stairs in front of my building in the projects with my friends.  We are together shooting the breeze laughing, basically making fools of each other when my friend turns to me and asks me a question.

"What was Cornelius' wife's name on the "Planet of the Apes"?"  I was trying to remember and I kept thinking it was Dr. Zurg or something like that.  We were on that question for about five minutes when out of my building walks out a tall black man. 

As he's passing by, my friend politely asks him, "Hey, you seem to be about our age and you would remember this.  What was Cornelius' wife's name on Planet of the Apes?"  He stops and at first looks at my friend like she's crazy but then answers "something Zur or something."  That's what I said but he didn't know. 

So he walks away and I look at my friend and ask her, "Just out of curiosity, why did you ask him?" and she did a spit take with her water and let out the biggest laugh you can ever hear.  We were laughing for about 20 minutes.  It was so weird.  She didn't ask him for any other reason but that he was right next to us and about our age.

I think he was offended but it was too late.  I almost pee'd my pants!!!!!  It was too funny!1  For those that don't know, her name was "Zira".

WTF I have the right to ask!!

So, today I get up before my usual time so that I can take the opportunity to bath in cool water.  I mean, the boys needed the cooling down!  LOL  Anyway, I know TMI, get over it!  LOL  Anyway, as I'm getting out I wake up my kids so that they can start their day off right.

Since my daughter has a trip to Mountain Creek Water Park, I decided to go through the rules of safety with her.  You can never be too sure and not do the rules!  As I'm going thru the rules, she tells me of a situation that happened last week at the other trip to "Adventure land".

Apparently, her counselor left her and her camp buddy on a ride and went to another.  When she was done, she had to look for him and panicked a little.  She felt better after finding him but I feel he shouldn't have let them alone to begin with.

So of course, this upsets me a little and I have to bring it up to the program director like I believe a good parent would.  When the Program Director finally got the the site this morning, I approached him, said Good Morning and went on to tell him what my daughter had said.

Don't you know he got offended!  He felt that I was constantly questioning his professionalism.  Now, for you guys that know me, I backed up a little and I did something that I rarely do.  I composed myself and answered him as calm and cool as I possibly can.

I told him that I didn't mean to offend but that my daughters safety is the most important thing.  He said that if I had a problem with last weeks trip, I should have brought it up last week right away.  I went on and explained that I just heard it this morning and If I had heard it last week I would have said something LAST WEEK.

He calmed to down when I told him, simply, if it ever came to a point where I had to choose my daughter or him, he would lose.  It upset me because he didn't have to go there.  I mean, isn't it my right to question my daughters caretaker?  Even if its the smallest detail./  It's his job to reassure me that my daughter will be okay as many times as I ask.

That's how I felt.  I should have broke on him but I didn't.  I have a friend who is a senior camp counselor there and asked her to keep a small eye on my daughter just in case.  She has been thru too much with the abandonment, she shouldn't have to go thru more with people that are getting paid to take care of her!!!!

My friends, should I approach this again in a business like environment or should I just let his attitude go? 

Bait and switch

How many of you guys remember the audio store on Delancey Street called "VicMarr"?  They used to have one on Southern Blvd in the Bronx as well.  Anyway, for those that were not local, they were famous for the ol' "Bait and Switch" routine. 

They used to have a great system in the window at a great price and when you walked in to buy it, they conveniently sold out but have a much better product, of course, at a higher price.  the scheme was tho, that even tho you were on Delancey street and knew you could haggle, they would drive the prices WAAAY up before you even got there so that you haggle to their price anyway.  On top of that, they didn't put the prices on the merchandise, they put a code in.  Only the salesman and a few locals knew what they were.

Has anyone ever experienced the ol' "Bait and Switch" technique in a relationship?  I have a friend that is in a relationship but is now more confused than ever because he feels like he has been scammed.  He's afraid that he wants out because she wasn't truthful from the beginning.

She made sure that she told him everything he wanted to hear before the relationship started, (Bait), then a couple of months after they got together, she started demanding things that she has been wanting to do in a relationship (Switch).  He, however, doesn't agree with these things.

Now, I can't get into details because those that read this will automatically know who I'm talking about but maybe you can place yourselves in this situation and give an honest opinion.  According to what he says, he really likes this girl.  It may even be love and he doesn't want to disrespect her in any kind of way by denying her anything but he feels that he is being pressured to do something he may not be ready for.

She has been through a lot and I assume that she just wants to guarantee certain things in life but can anyone ever guarantee anything anyway?  That's what I told him. I also told him that only God can decide what is best for him.  I told him to place his trust in God and all will be well.  I guess, tho, that's my faith and he thanked me for the advice.

If it was me, I'd be going by instinct and worry, as usual, of how it would turn out.  For some stupid reason, I always try to look out for others and not myself.  A habit I have to change sooner or later.  I guess it's a self-preservation thing.  LOL

What I'm trying to say, and I hope that the girl reads this, is that life is too short to be making plans for the future when NOTHING is guaranteed in this life.  Place whatever wishes you have in God's hands and let him decide what is best for you.  More importantly, please be honest with one another so that there are NO miscommunication in the future. 

The "Bait" you put out will catch you a great person if it's true and coming from the heart.  Therefore, no need to "Switch" or demand/place conditions on anything.   Have a great weekend everybody!

Sir Ken Bravo!   LOL

Holla!

So for years, probably since I was a teenager, I wondered why a liquor store was called "Liquor Store" and when you went to rich areas, they were called "Wines and Spirits".  Why there were more located in the low income areas like LES (Back in the day), Harlem , Washington Hts.  The list go on and on because there are more of us than of them.

I figured it out.  Poverty brings depression.  Depression brings escape and the need to escape brings alcohol as well as other drugs.  It's a shame that we rely on those methods of escape rather than finding another.  Part of it is hereditary.  It's brought down from generation to generation.  Like the welfare chain. 

Once a family is on it, it will continue until the chain is broken.  That's a whole other topic!  Anyway, the reason I bring the "Liquor Store" conundrum up is because I was hanging out the other day and was looking at members of a church group walking around our neighborhood inviting everyone to the church.

It was part of a leadership youth group or something and I found it strange.  I asked my friend, why were they focusing on our neighborhood instead of going towards, maybe Ave A, or somewhere where there are rich upperclassman?  I believe that the people in our neighborhood don't need to find God because 98% of them already have God in their lives.

Especially with all the praying they do.  In fact, I believe that there are competitions within the churches to change us from one church to the other.  I've had Jehovah's Witnesses knock on my door, some Catholics and some pentecostal churches as well.  I think that they think it's a free for all!  LOL

As they were approaching the bench I was sitting on, I decided it's time for me to get up and call my daughter to go upstairs.  I have very specific views on religion and I try to follow my grandfathers philosophy, Never discuss religion or politics.  Many people follow that as well.

Back to the story, I get up and I whistle my usual whistle so my daughter, who was in the park by the sprinklers, knows I'm calling her.  She looks at me and I wave her in.  The girl from the ministry notices how I call for my daughter and asked me if that's the usual way I call her.

I said yes and she went on to say that it was a cool way of doing it and that she is going to implement the same thing when she has kids and wants to call them.  Now, First of all, the whistle is region oriented as to say that, only certain whistles work and they are probably from the Lowa!  Holla!!

Secondly, picture a young white chick, dressed in church clothes, whistling a whistle she heard from me.  Wouldn't that be great?! I would like, for maybe one day, to be treated as an equal and tell these people to go preaching where the devil lies.  With the Rich because us poor people have God in our hearts.  If we didn't, we would not be here today.  God bless you all!!!

Court Date today!

So today I went to court and find out some very interesting things.  First, they adjourned it for another date but I received some information today that kind of threw me off guard.  I found out today that my ex-wife was sleeping with her new man while she was with me.

It made me very upset to be officially named a cuckold.  For those that don't know what that means, it means Cabron.  Then she has the audacity to say that I'm the conniving one!  I mean, I would never do that to someone why was it done to me?

So, I'm going to take every one's advice and wish her the best of luck.  Even though deep down I don't mean it, I wish her luck.  Whatever.  I'm getting tired of the nonsense with her.  Born with the PATHOLOGICAL liar gene, she is not going to get far in her life that way. 

I don't know what else to say except thanks to my friends, my true friends, for supporting me and having extra patience with me.  Especially those that are implementing a little rough justice.  Life goes on right?  LOL

Sunday Afternoon Sermon

The last time I went to Therapy, I was reminded of how I believe God works.  It was shown in the movie "Evan Almighty".  The scene where God, played by Morgan Freeman as a waiter/busboy, asks Evan's wife if when praying to God for Patience, does he give it or does he allow you to find and use it?  Something like that.

I believe that God gave us free will so that we can, of course, make up our own mind in our life.  He is there to support us.  If someone asks for strength, God reminds us that it's already within us.  If we ask him for Patience, he sits back and blesses us with knowledge to acknowledge the patience within us.

God, in his Almighty wisdom, allows things to happen in our lives so that we may learn and become better people from it.  Sometimes, when you are not seeking him too much, things happen where you may find yourself praying everyday.  Having full conversations with our Lord.

The enemy will tempt us always.  It is up to us to decide what is best for us and what is not.  It is very difficult sometimes to make the right decision but it has to be done.  God is always taking care of us so when you find yourself down, know that God is right next to you holding your hand.  Carrying you over the threshold of what is a problem.

The storm may come and go but God is with us always.  I have learned that I cannot feel sorry for myself because God loves me.  Unconditionally.  It's a love that can be felt, heard, spoken.  So, to my friends that are having some sort of crisis today or anytime, please understand that 1. there is a lesson to be learned. 2. God is ALWAYS by your side. and 3. In the end, like Bob Marley said, "Everything will be alright!"

I rarely say this to anyone so please take it for what it is:  I Love You guys!!!!  Enjoy your day!!!

There's no crying in baseball!!

I don't know why but lately I've been kind of tearing when I see an inspirational movie.  I get that little palpitation and it feels like the end part of a hiccup.  A sigh.  A breath.  Maybe it's because I have been wearing my emotions on my sleeve or maybe covering them too well and they seek a way to be shown.  Don't know.

All I know is that as I'm watching Men of Honor with Cuba Gooden Jr and Robert DeNiro, I start tearing and feeling proud when he starts the final countdown of steps and reminds him and the court what is a diver!  Is that cheesy or what?  LOL

It gets worse.  I find myself looking around my apartment to make sure I'm alone when I know that I'm alone.  I was watching, "How too train your dragon" and guess what?  it brought tears to my eyes!  A freaking animation. 

The first time I ever cried at a movie was in an actual movie theatre.  When I saw the movie "The Champ" with Ricky Schroeder and Jon Voight.  Don't you know that when he died I cried like a newborn baby just got his ass hit!  I was 11 years old but still. 

Friends today make fun of others who cry at movies.  They put up fronts because they feel its unmanly.  Well, I have news for you, I've seen the biggest, toughest man I know cry at a movie.  It makes you human not a , what was I called?  Oh yes, A Pussy!  LOL

Usually I answer them with a saying but you know what?  I've learned that a little vulnerability turns a woman on.  It doesn't hurt to bring out your feminine side.  I admit I have one.  I like Broadway shows, fine dining and I like rough housing too.  A little slap on my ass helps me get going too! I guess what today's blog is that you are who you are.

When you show these emotions to others, they can see how you really are and determine for themselves whether they want to be friends or more than friends.  That's when you see if you are compatible or not.  So, for those that know me, don't make fun because I've seen some of you Negros crying too!  For those that don't, look out because here I come!!!!

Advice given is not always advice Taken.

I shouldn't even be talking about this.  I'm the first one not to take advice.  Well, that's not true.  I like to look at other people situations and learn from their mistakes as well as mine.  I have learned to appreciate other people's experiences and have used them to my advantage.

I just don't understand how people can ask for advice, be it directly or indirectly, and not take heed to any of it.  Not even a small portion.  In FB there's a member of my group that is in a very bad situation.  She is in a financially restrained, abusive, disrespectful relationship and feels that she has to be there.  As if there is no way out.

Most of the members in my group have given her excellent advise but she will not take it due to the fact that she will not leave her pets behind.  Me, personally, sorry to say, but the pets have to stay.  At least until I would get situated and If I had to go to court for them I would.  Maybe leave them with a friend until then?

There was a time when I wasn't listening to my friends either.  In fact, it was a party at my house.  A pity party and the only one attending was me.  My friends refused to feel sorry for me because they all new it would get better someday.  I thank them for that.

I just want people to know that Life's lessons don't come cheap.  Especially to those that have wronged you.  Again, Karma.  So, If you ask for advice and don't heed, not even the smallest part of it, then don't ask and don't expect things to change for you.  I'm pretty sure some of them loved responding but I have to be tough here.  NO ONE will be feeling sorry for you or will come and sweep you off your feet out of that hell hole.  Sorry.  just saying....

My venting

Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, I extend my deepest apologies for my last blog entry.  It seems that I was doing fine until , well, you know.  Anyway, I want to thank all those that wrote back to me telling me how it is.

I know already where I have to be but do appreciate the advise and experience.  Again, I was doing much better.  I found myself smiling more and doing things that I won't usually do.  Life is getting better for me, I just needed to vent a little so that I don't go out and commit a crime to release the anger.

So quickly I will say, I can always count on your honesty and appreciate your comments even tho you guys don't leave your names.  Especially the one that said grow a pair!  LOL   that's funny, if you only knew!!!!

Have a good day Everyone!!!   LOL

This single dad thing

You know, sometimes as I write I tend to hold tears back.  They are not tears of sadness or pain but rather tears of frustration and anger.  I was reminded this weekend that I shouldn't take credit for stepping up and being a single dad.  I agree, kind of.  The reason I may disagree is because single dads these days don't get enough credit.  Especially since there are not as many as there should be.

Anyway, My anger stems from the ex wife.  The woman that got up and left her family after 16 years without even trying to save the relationship.  Not necessarily for me but for the sanity of the children.  I know, I know, I shouldn't stay with someone for the kids but she never gave me an opportunity to find out.

I don't know of any mothers that would leave their families.  Coward!!!!   Why the fuck did you have the family if you couldn't handle it?  Sorry people.  This is my blog and my opinion and probably the only way for me to truly vent. 

I love my kids to death.  From the two of us, I won the children.  She may have the freedom and the life but I have my kids.  I'm proud to be a father and anyone that tries to take the glory out of that can kiss my ass. 

I've also been advised to forgive the ex and forget.  Well, that is most definitely easier said than done.  How can you forgive someone that tore your heart out and bit into it?  How can you forgive someone that has no problem in flaunting what they have to make you feel worse?

I was doing so good until I spoke to her today.  I was happier and smiling more.  Enjoying life regardless of how hot it is outside.  I know what it is to hate and I feel terrible for hating.  I don't have any other way to approach her and her actions.  My only goal right now is to provide a happy life for my kids and to, every once in a while, enjoy the company of a beautiful woman.

What I'm basiaclly saying is that I don't forgive her.  She doesn't deserve forgiveness because she has no heart.  She is selfish and a liar.  She has no remorse and doesn't realize that there are consequences for her actions.  I said it before but my only solace is that Karma is a motherfucker and she'll pay for her actions in this life and the next.

God bless all the single dads that are doing a GREAT job with their children.

Chinese guy

Okay, so I go to the hospital for my usual appointment and in my usual diabetic fashion, I have to pee.  Okay, I'm looking around to see where was the closest bathroom and off I go!   LOL  When I open the door I see a middle aged Chinese man coming out of the stall.  i walk into it because I like the room/space to pee and I see that he didn't flush.

that's fine.  We are human.  All we need tho, is maybe a push in the right direction to correct our faults.  We are not all raised the same way, you know.  So, Instead of peeing, I turn right around and get the Chinese man.  By the way, I also noticed that he didn't wash his hands.

I tap him on the shoulder with my middle finger, keeping clear of his dirty hands as he turns around.  I say, "Excuse me sir, maybe you didn't notice but you forgot to flush."  He looked at me like I was talking German but held the usual smile they ALL carry when they don't understand you.

Personally, I think that's a cultural thing and they are taught that when they come to the United States.  It's works 98% of the time in getting over most situations.  Anyway, I told him again with no avail.  The next time I told him , i found myself talking broken English.  "you no flush!"  and pointed to the bathroom.

He still apparently didn't understand.  I have no problems with anybody but c'mon!  I tried one more time but this time, i found myself kind of making fun of him.  Don't know why, it just happened!!  I very slowly told him, "YOU>>>>>NO>>>>>FRUSH!!!!!   LOL

He still didn't understand.  He apparently thought he was going to get away with it and started smiley then walking away.  I said no way you're leaving without flushing.  I tapped him again and with my finger I did the come here motion.  He didn't move.  Just smiled.

Little did he know that I know many people in the hospital.  I saw my Chinese nurse friend and asked her to translate.  She did and he still didn't move.  In fact, he started yelling at her like if he was offended.  I had to laugh.  Look at the nerve of this guy.  He's the pig and he's offended?  Please!

My friend, the nurse, grabbed him by the shirt and put his ass in the bathroom.  Waited next to him and had him flush.  I reminded her that he didn't wash his hands and she of course, made him wash his hands.

It was funny as hell because as he left he had his head down, maybe of shame and right before he went into the exit staircase he said in perfect, New York English.  "Thank You very much!  You have a pleasant day!"  "What!!!"

I pee'd a little in my pants.  Couldn't help it!  Had to go and was laughing so hard!!  I guess he knew he couldn't get away with it!   My nurse friend chased him down the stairs in good ol' Chinatown fashion!  Even Funnier!!!  SMH!!!

A small message

The following topic has made me wonder for many years and I'm pretty sure that there are a select few persons that would be able to answer my question with honesty and respect.  At the young age of 9, my mother had a roommate.  It was a very nice woman.  Homebody, respectful and fun.  I mean, at 9 years old all you are really looking for is fun, fun and more fun!

Anyway, This young lady wasn't the prettiest woman I've ever seen but, hey, to each there own.  As the days went by, she brought into my house many gay men and lesbian women.  I was introduced to the gay community at an early age.  It never occurred to me that she was gay.  It wasn't till after my mother threw her out that I realized she was gay.

I don't think I have to get into details regarding the situation.  Let's just say that some alcohol was involved and some disrespect.  long story short, she was out.  The reason I bring her up is because some of her friends were dressed like men.  I don't know what it was called back then but now it's called dressing aggressively.

I pushed it aside and continued with my life.  In Seward, there were very and I mean very few girls that dressed that way.  In fact, I think I may remember just one.  So I wasn't around them to often.  More gay boys than girls.  Some of you know a few so we won't mention their names but I must say that even they were confused back in high school!  LOL

When I started working for the Ryan/Nena health center, I was working around many of them.  I believed that at the time, it was a requirement that you had to be gay to get the job on the "Educational Services" floor.  Another fancy title for HIV services.

I was even accused of "Rapping" to one of the woman's girlfriend.  I must admit, she was beautiful but I respected her situation.  The lover threatened me to the point where I got mad and I told her simply, "Listen Melissa!  You want to be dressed like a Man, I'll fuck you up like a man!  Don't overstep because I didn't disrespect you.  you need to respect me!"

My other coworkers came out and squashed the situation.  I'm telling you, as I type these words I get a flashback.  I would have fucked her up big time.  I was was told that I have to tolerate the gay/lesbian community.  I don't want to tolerate them.  I needed to accept them.  I believe there is a difference and I thought that I did until that day.

In dealing with many aggressive women, I've noticed that they don't like men.  They don't trust men and they give men such a negative vibe that it makes men uncomfortable.  Maybe it's just my specific situation but that's how I feel.

I had a very close friend that I met at my daughter's daycare.  She was a beautiful person.  Great heart.  intelligent, I mean, the list can go on and on.  At first she told me that she was bisexual.  It didn't bother me one bit.  We got even closer.  She started seeing an aggressive woman and after a few months later, I never saw her again.  I tried to keep in touch but to no avail.

I just found it very weird that after I met her partner, she wasn't talking to me anymore.  The reality is that all I did was help her and guide her through some serious stuff.  She was the one I asked, "Why do the masculine side of a lesbian couple dress like men, act like men but hate men?"  She honestly saw what I meant but couldn't answer the question.

When asked about the gay marriage topic, I usually say what I say to a normal couple, fuck 'em!  LOL  If they want to know what it is to go thru the agony that is marriage then by all means.  Good luck with that.  I'm very comfortable with everybody but for some reason, I feel I pose a threat to Aggressive lesbians.  I honestly don't mean to.  I just do which by the way, was confirmed this Saturday past. 

So, to rap it up, I guess, I want to send all the aggressive lesbian population a message.  You want to be treated equally, then treat EVERYBODY with the respect you expect.  You'll feel better and we'll feel better.  Remember, Not all men want to sleep with your wife!!!!

Good luck with that!!

Friends?

As I watched the recorded TV show, "So you think you can dance"  I was reminded of a special set of circumstances from years ago.  They did a dance where the male got left at the alter and his best friend, the female, came and picked him up out of it and then ended up falling in love.

It was beautiful.  Brought back many memories.  Not of my present situation but rather a friend I had in the past.  She is beautiful, smart and funny.  Everything I look for in a woman.  I opened my heart to her but she felt that we would ruin our special friendship if we were to further evolve into a couple.

I had always thought that I would marry my best friend.  Ever since I was a young laddie and didn't know what love was.  Years passed and she went her separate way and I went mine.  We still keep in touch but we have our own lives to lead.  It's one of the few regrets I have in my life.

I bring this up because I notice that there are many people around me and on social networks that are looking for love.  You may be surprised.  It could actually be right in front of you in the form of a friend, someone you like chatting with, or even someone you look for on facebook.

I say please don't rule out any possibilities just because you are hurt or have been deceived.  Things happen for a reason and I believe if a door closes a window opens ever so slightly but its open.  If I would ever notice the opportunity again, I will take it.  Life's too short to be saying what if?

To the girl that I've loved before, I miss you.  I still love you but I respect your situation.  Just remember, you will always have family with me!!!! 

Thanks For listening!!  wow!!  longtime coming!!!!

Drink, Smoke, live it up!!!!

See, I'm not the first one to judge but I think that the following subject and opinions have to be said.  it's one of those things that make you shake your head in awe.  It's the loss of self-respect as an adult in comparison to the young bucks out there today.

When I was a teenager, I always had a problem drinking.  I would hang with my friends and there would be little or no alcohol.  I was always aware of that Spanish saying, "Tell me with whom you walk and I tell you who you are".  I wasn't invited to too many parties because I didn't drink or smoke. (Weed)

I, in my early 20's on occasion, did drink and I always said it, If I'm going to drink, it's to get fucked up!!!  So, I did.  I got fucked up to the point that I ended up on the FDR drive in the lap of my best friend at the time.  She didn't know how we got there either.  In fact, it was at my ex best friends bachelor party that it happened.

Anyway, I'm ranting on to make a point.  I understand why young people of today, and I mean persons between 21-34 years old, go out and have a party/great time.  I understand the need to smoke and get high.  I understand.  I pray that they, soon enough, understand it's time to grow up and move forward with your life.  It's not all about getting high.  It's not all about fucking that shorty tonight.  It's all about your individual growth.

I, shake my head even more, when I see my generation still doing it!  I was sitting down enjoying the weather yesterday in front of my building while my daughter was in the sprinkles.  A couple of young girls sat down to eat something they had bought from the store.  As they were going home, I was told that they smoke and get high with their mother!!!!   I asked how old they were and they told me 14 years old!!!  They even said that they were having sex and that the mother knew about it.

That got me mad, not at them but at their ignorant mother.  it's not the bad student, it's the bad teacher.  Or in this case, the bad parent!  We blame our children for not making it far in life and yet we are terrible role models.  I love my children too much to give them a bad future.

My generation smoking and drinking and whoring and hanging out like its okay then complaining about it the next day.  "Oh man, I don't have enough for this or that."  Whatever.  If you are one of those people that missed out on your youth, well then, I'm sorry to say, too bad!  You can't regain it but you can enjoy your life without those stupid things like Herb, ex, beer, fuckin' rum!  Whatever it takes you to escape, you can find other ways.

I'm 44 years old, I don't drink, don't smoke and by the looks of me it's obvious I don't sleep around.  I'm very proud of myself.  I did what I did in my 20's and I'm paying for it now.  The only thing I miss from back in the day is the friendships.  Now, as an adult raising two children, I see the light in a different way.  I want my children to live long and happy lives.  I want them to be drug free and non-alcoholics.  I don't want them relying on a substance to achieve their goals.

I think what I'm basically saying is that only you know what's best for you and you are not going to find it on the bottom of a shot glass or at the end of a blunt.  Don't hate on others because they don't like what you do.  Most of you need to learn from experience and I pray to God that the experience don't kill you. 

Bless you all...Do it while you're young and live.  Once you're older you can't get it back no matter how hard you try.  It can break up a marriage, can have you end up a grand parent.  You can die from disease.

I'm just saying.

Tightness!

I'm feeling a little tightness today.  I received my first tuition notice from my daughters new school.  It's $288.00.  When I called the school to ask why is it so much, she said that it wasn't the first tuition payment but rather the fundraising payment. 

i was under the impression that the fundraising payment would be split across the board in 10 months but now I find out that It has to be paid now before the school starts.  And that's not even the tuition payment!!

SMH...I have no idea what I am doing.  So, I asked God why am I in such a tight position, or even better, why would he allow others that are responsible for our kids too, not pay anything and have us in such a tight spot.  They're living the life but no responsibilities!

Something is going on and I'm telling you, I will be hitting the lotto soon.  For me to deal with all this nonsense and have to live literally month by month barely making it and my kids not being able to enjoy an icy off the street or something to cool them down because of stupidity! 

I can understand why some people give up on our lord.  Why some people don't believe in him.  I believe in him so much, I get mad at myself for doubting sometime.  I have to pray for a great outcome to my situation so:

Dear Lord, Almighty Father, I am your humble servant and I love you.  Your presence is felt everywhere I go and I am grateful for that. I know you have a path in mind for me and I ask that you grace me with the Holy Spirit so that I may see and walk the path for me.  I pray that you remove all hatred in my heart and fill it with love.  I am lost and wonder why.  You can guide me to a better life.  I ask for my daily bread and that you revenge against those that wish harm to me and my family.  I call your name Almighty Father and thank you for all I have been given.  I await your response with open heart and patience.  Forgive me for doubting  and bless all that seek and find you.  In his almighty name!!!!  Amen.

In sounds better in Latin:

O Domine, Pater omnipotens, ego sum, servus et humilis amo te. Praesentia ubique tuus vadam, et palpato eo habeo gratiam. Scio tibi in via animum mihi rogo mihi gratiam Spiritus Sancti ita ut videat et ambulet in via pro me. Oro vos in corde meo et auferam omne odium amore replebit. Et mirum est cur pereo. Quisque ut meliorem vitam ducere. Obsecro te pro meo panem et vindictam contra illos qui volunt malum mihi et familiae meae. Voco nomen tuum, Pater omnipotens, et gratias agam et ego dedi vos omnes. Responsum tuum exspecto toto corde et patientiam. Dimitte me ut benedicam dubitandi et quaerere et invenire. In omnipotens nomen! Amen.

Thanks for letting me vent a little!!!

Married, gay or taken..........Heartbroken

I had to elaborate more on this comment from facebook because I feel that I fall into one of these categories.  I feel many of us fall into the category (Heartbroken). 

Many of us, good people, come out of relationships and after having mourned the proper time, find it difficult to find love or trust again.  One of the reasons is that we still hold our emotions on our sleeves and although try not to admit it, it shows.

Depending on the way the relationship ended, someone may actually rise to the top faster than the other.  If there was abuse, negligence or even abandonment, then I agree it should have been over quickly.  No one needs to be in that kind of relationship.  What happens tho, when someone leaves for nonsense?

It leaves the other heartbroken.  It hurts and it shows.  the energy surrounding that person doesn't allow anyone to see their true self.  Therefore, affecting the attraction if there is any.  All the good ones are out there.  You have to give them a little time to talk.  Get over the last relationship and give them reasons to trust again.

For those that know me, know my specific situation.  I must admit that I MAY have been at fault about 5% but the rest is hers.  Anyway, in reading another comment, it says to love, honor and respect the partner and they will be there forever.  Got news for you, it doesn't work that way.   I gave of my all and she still lost her mind.

I guess what I'm saying is that, the good ones are there.  You may have to work a little harder to see them but I know they are willing to give you a chance.  those that are heartbroken need to lower their guards just a little bit.  Stop teasing unless you truly are interested.  Follow thru and take a chance.  i don't want to hear that there are no more out there when you haven't try at all.

One more thing, We don't all drink, smoke or hang out hard.  I personally prefer a walk to get a milk shake.  Talking about life and it's hurdles.  and a smile that will motivate me to try and see you again.  I hate seeing beautiful women hanging out wasting their time to be with a hood rat that is going no where.  And then you bitch when they screw you and break the hell out because they don't want a relationship.!  (Hit it and quit it)

Don't complain!  We are not ALL married, taken or gay.  Not that it even matters for some of you! 

MY personal opinion

I have to give it to the gay and lesbian community.  They must have pushed hard and made the right connections to mow over those radicals that did not have open minds.  Kudos. I would like to say that I believe in the Constitution and in the United States.  I believe in its process and the people that honestly run and protect it.  (God bless the soldiers that keep my freedom at all costs)

Personally, I have no opinion on gay marriage.  If they want to feel the agony of what is marriage, then whatever.  Before I continue, I would like to say that it's true, everybody has a friend or family member that is gay.  I just happen to have both.  I love my teacher.  He is a mentor to me and without him I wouldn't be where I am today.  A respectful, loyal, Intelligent human being.  (Pats his back!)  I owe him plenty.

I love him more because he didn't let his lifestyle define him.  He respected you because he demanded respect.  He never got fresh with me or crossed the line with anyone.  He was in a monogamous relationship for over 30 years and I admire him for that.  He made it work.

I have a sister that is gay and she is happy.  She is in a relationship for 10 years.  Again happy as can be.  She respects herself and the lifestyle and she is a great person for it. I love her.  She is making it work.  Not because she is gay but because she feels it's love.

Please keep in mind that this is my opinion.  I have a major problem with the gay and lesbian community that let the lifestyle define them.  They have No respect for others simply because they feel that homosexuality is the master race.  They use being gay to manipulate others and convince others that they are gay because they are.

I was once told that I'm gay.  A lesbian that I once worked with swore that I was gay because I liked Broadway musicals and medieval art and so forth.  I laughed at her face.  She swore it up and down to the point where, it affected me.  I got upset and I challenged her to a, excuse the words, pussy eating contest.  She immediately shut up.

I immediately thought, "I'm not pushing my straightness on her, why is she pushing her gayness on me?"  I respect, appreciate and accept homosexuality in my life.  As long as I'm respected, appreciated and accepted for who I am.  I don't think I have to "Grow up" to have an opinion.  It's my God given right and God's law is LAW! 

I don't care about this whole gay marriage thing.  To each their own.  If you're for it or against it and you make comments about the contrary, are you judging or are you just exercising your rights?  Either way, it's another day in NYC.  A city that never ceases to amaze me.

"Papo's Variety Store" Preview...A Musical by Ken Bravo

This is a preview of my play "Papo's Variety Store".  It's me playing the opening scene and song.  the music and lyrics are my originals.  Please read the set up below.

The set up:  It's 4:30 in the morning on the street corner of Forsyth st and Rivington St.  Mandingo the junkie just got his fix and is feeling real nice.  He sings about his next fix and how he has to plan to find another fix.  As he is done with that song, it begins to play a salsa rift which opens the stage like a morning sunrise.  It gives the world the opportunity to meet and greet the other characters.  You will only see Mandingo.  (Played by me)

For those that have the privelage to see this preview, please feel free to comment on the song and the music.  Please keep in mind that I'm not a professional singer or actor and this was my attempt to show the person who plays Mandingo the way it should be played.  I don't mind constructive critism but if you are being rude and obnoxious, remember it's better not to say anything at all.

Copyright: Ken Bravo Entertainment. 2011 The use of this video is strickly prohibited without the written consent of Ken Bravo Entertainment And/or it's representing officers.  You do NOT have permission to upload this on to youtube or any other social network.

Another case of SMH

Last night, I was talking to my friend about how young people today are taking pictures with just them pouting.  Now, I don't know where this fad originates from.  I assume its an attempt to show that they have lips (the thin lips) or an attempt to make a face that says something. (Maybe sexiness)

I don't know but I think its a dumb fad.  Growing up I learned that women want/need to enhance their looks with make up.  I also learned to appreciate beauty in the natural look.  I've found that the woman that looks like she's not wearing make up when she is and looks beautiful is just perfect.

To enhance a picture by pouting in it just makes you look sleazy.  Natural beauty is in/on everyone.  You just have to find it!  There is no reason to make yourself look ridiculous.  Now, I want to discuss those pics of older women pouting.  LOL  I have to laugh.  I appreciate women who accept life for what it is.  Some woman feel like they haven't finished life and need to act like they are teenagers again. 

Even some beautiful, sexy grandmothers.  Remember, you don't have to be old to be a grandmother just a mother at a young age.  Anyway, the pouting fad was picked up by the older generation.  C'mon people, you're beautiful as you are!  A smile says soo much more! 

How about Deuces?  As far as I know, when you drop a deuce it means you're taking a dump!  How did it turn to something said during a picture?  maybe I need to try to re-hatch my youth again? I don't know.  I also just want to remind you that this is one man's opinion and not meant to offend.  How can I offend all you lovely ladies.  Then again, how do I know you're lovely and beautiful if you're making that face?  LOL  It's another case of SMH

You know who you are!

I wanted to talk about the friends that ruin a happy marriage.  You know who you are.  You're that person that hangs out with a married woman or man and encourage drinking, infidelity, lying and so forth.

You're that person that can never find the right partner for you so you want your friend to be the same.  Misery loves company I guess.  You were there when your friend and her husband were boyfriend and girlfriend and you loved them both equally.  The day they got married, you missed the hang out and decided that you want to bring your friend back to the dark side.

You design situations in your favor so that turmoil can interrupt what would normally be a beautiful relationship.  You tell your friend one thing, then tell the partner something different so that you look good in the light.  You will NEVER be happy because your complex has caused you to have NO self-esteem. 

You use your body to attempt to get whatever you want and often end up getting used.  You are on drugs or some sort of stimulant and you want the world to be on that with you too.  I have so much contempt for you but knowing that you will never be happy comforts me. 

If one day you learn to accept life for what it is and live and let live, there maybe a chance.  Other than that, your screwed.  Good for you.  Again, I know you will never read this but in the event, you know who you are.

FWB

I'm going to be 45 years old this Sept.  I've been through many relationships, the last one lasting about 16 yrs. What a disappointment!  LOL  Anyway, I don't foresee myself going through another committed relationship because it has become very difficult to trust anyone.

I have found many GREAT friends on FB.  Friends that I had an incling that they were there for me but due to unfortunate circumstances, they weren't able to maintain the friendships.  Now, they have come out and I believe we are closer than ever.  I really appreciate them.

The problem is that being a human being, I have natural urges that need to be taken cared of.  So the question one has to ask themselves is, How do I fill my needs without having to commit or spending any money?  LOL 

I must sound like a dirty old man trying to get some ass at all costs and I sincerely apologise if I have offended anyone with these comments. I know many people have high standard morals and may be offended but the reality is that we are all old enough to understand life.  We are not in the 1940's, it's the 21st century.

I just asked myself, why am I writing this?  I honestly want to say that I feel some woman feel the same way but are too shy to admit it.  I know a few who love their independencies and the fact that they have ONE person for the urges.  I just wanted to make it clear that in my opinion, there is nothing wrong with FWB unless one of them is married.  Then that's a whole different ballgame.

Is it okay for a woman to have an FWB and not be considered a slut but a man can't have one?  I know I am a nice, loyal, honest seasoned gentleman.  I like what I have now and don't want to lose it for a woman/girlfriend that will mess it up.  Believe it or not, I know couples that started as FWB and are now happily married.  Who knows where it may lead just don't give it up as an option.

I love you guys!!!

Not Much To Ask

It amazes me how some women enjoy being with someone who don't feel the same way they feel.  They feel like they can change them or that there is hope.  I got news for you ladies.  The person will never change.  They are that same person as when you first met them.

I'm not saying this to ruin your day or try to open your minds.  Your minds are already made up so God bless but don't think there is a chance of you changing them, especially if it has been a year or more.  i speak from experience.

I will say that i started my relationship and after 5 years to the day, I married her.  What boggles the mind is that she claimed to have loved me for exactly the way I was with her.  She enjoyed it very much.  What would make her think that I would change after 5 years and marrying her?  Isn't it just a piece of paper?

I have another friend, very nice girl, who is in a situation that looks like it's going to end up badly.  It's obvious he doesn't love her as much as she loves him.  She, however, sees hope.  One year later and he still hasn't evolved.  I wish her the best and I hope that when she opens her eyes, she sees it for how it's sopposed to be.

The old adage, "You can't teach an old dog new tricks" works in this case.  They will be how they will be.  I just feel that the women shouldn't expect change especially if they know what they got into from the beginning.  It's not much to ask. 

Adult Language.

Yo, yo, yo was sup my niggas?!  I'm here chillin wit my saggy bottoms! nahmean?  LOL

Ladies and Gentlemen, I must admit that when I was 15 years old I used SOME street language when I talked.  I only used them, however, when I would hang out with my friends.  I found that by using good English that it would catch on with my friends and we all now speak human. 

I would like to think that I contributed to the language skills of my friends.  I loved that Spanish motto, "Tell me with whom you walk and I'll tell you who you are."  I wanted others to perceive my friends similar to how they perceived me.  A young trustworthy, educated man.  I honestly think it worked.

I hate to say it but there are some of you guys, on facebook, that speak as if they were still 16 and in high school.  How can anyone expect to be respected if your in your early 40's and trying to be a teenager again.  You have become those adults that we used to make fun of in high school.  Most of you know who I am talking about.

Listen, I don't want to insult.  You guys can do whatever you want to do but don't get upset when no one respects you because you're 44 years old and walking in the street looking like you want to get raped showing your underwear with skid marks on them.  Talking nonsense out of your mouth and ass.  Usually, located in the same place!!!  lol

I know that there are people out there who do not like me.  I hope I haven't hurt and said anything to offend them for them to not like me but I really don't care,  they don't pay my bills or feed my kids.  I would just like for people to start acting their own age.

I am who I am and if you have a problem with how I am well, then tell me.  Make a good argument tho, don't just say something stupid.  Come to me with a logical conversation and I will be glad to entertain it.  If not, don't get mad if I don't acknowledge you because I don't like the way you are. 

I have a reputation to uphold!  LOL  Ya hear!!  Peace!!!!

A little about me (The Virgin)

Ladies and Gentlemen,

I've been told that I am a hard nut to crack.  That Some would like to know me better but don't know how to do it.  Here is the best description of my sign, Virgo.  It is me, some of it is better than the rest but here I am in a Nutshell!!!

Virgo and Independence:

Virgo is a very independent zodiac sign. They are fully able to put their intelligence to use and get things done for themselves. It is possible however that their narrow mindedness causes their creativity to suffer and they may lead regular routine lives. They may dwell too much on the past and over complicate things and this may limit their ability to move forward and confuse themselves. In conclusion, Virgos are able to be independent but the less evolved types will have difficult if someone is not there helping them to achieve more and not be so critical of themselves.

Virgo and Friendship:

People look up to Virgo for friends because they are straight thinkers and solve problems logically. They are truthful, loyal and determined. Some people might find them cold or emotionally detached because they live in their minds, not in their emotions and feelings. It might be hard to pin down how a Virgo friend is feeling because they easily live in denial. A person who is able to read deep into another person will notice when Virgo is not well but if they confront them about it, they would rather retreat then talk about it. It is best to keep your emotional distance from a Virgo friend unless they open up to you first. Virgo might try to analyze and control a friend's life but only with the idea that they will improve their life, not purely for the sake of controlling. Be patient with your Virgo friend and understand that their recommendations are only to make your life better.

Virgo and Business:

Virgos are very intelligent, they have an excellent memory and a highly analytical mind. This makes them good investigators and researchers. They also have the ability to probe into a person's emotions and they can often see into people and detect what their motives are. This makes them great policemen or interrogators. Virgos are very good at problem solving, this is what they do best. They are confronted with a problem, they will pick apart the pieces and put it together in the proper order. They are rational thinkers and are good at settling other people's disputes and putting them on the right track for reconciliation. Any position that requires the above features, which is a very long list, is perfect for the Virgo. They keep the world in order.

Virgo Temperament:

Before a Virgo plunges into anything, from a problem to a vacation idea, they need to analyze all the facts and know all the details before they plunge in and make a decision. This makes them seem indecisive and slow. Virgo's perception is their reality, more so then other astrology signs. What they believe is what will be, if they have a negative outlook on life, things will present themselves to be negative and they will be very moody and isolated/detached. If they are positive, the same events that occur will be held in a positive light and they will be a pleasant, well adjusted person. A Virgo mind is a very powerful mind and they must have the proper attitude for their life to be happy and successful. Virgo needs to get in touch with their feelings, this is why they usually seem cold or detached. They are very prone of living in denial. They will say the feel okay or everything is alright even when it's not. This is an easy way out, the one thing that Virgo does not like to analyze is their feelings so pretending everything is okay is a good defense mechanism for not having to take a closer look at their feelings. Virgo has an unpredictable and sometimes unstable temperament.

Virgo Deep Inside:

They need to be organized in their mind, sometimes all their energy is taken from organizing their mind that they have a difficult time organizing their surroundings. They easily look too deep into an issue and over analyze what they precept. Virgo is ambitious and strives to always know more and have more. This is in their eternal quest to bring order to chaos. Even if order is obtained from an outsiders' point of view, Virgo will not be settled for they have a very active mind that is always thinking and can never be silenced. Virgos want to be of use, they need to be important and essential to everyone in their lives and in everything they do. Virgo's major life lesson is to learn to trust in and have faith in the unknown. They have to understand that things in life happen for a reason that is not always known to them, they do not have to always know everything. They need to learn to calm down and not over-analyze a situation or event. Deep inside, Virgo is very sensitive and they need to be appreciated for all the things they do. When is Virgo is offended or hurt, they may never show it.

Virgo in a Nutshell:

pickiness and finickiest. They are pure, their motives are honest never malicious and they want to accomplish something.

What it's like to date a Virgo Man:

The Virgo man has a cool exterior with a sensitive interior. He has tremendous respect for a woman and will treat her like and equal. He likes woman who stir his emotions because he is reluctant to express his own emotions, which he tries and this often causes conflict not just inside himself, but it spills out into the relationship. This man takes patience and understanding. He will not get extremely close so do not try to enter his psyche and become closely entangled, this will make him feel threatened. He needs a classy woman who is not impulsive or unconventional. He leads a predictable life and a predictable woman will make him feel safe. He is perfect for the down to earth, conventional woman. He won't be romantic and sweep you off your feet, but he will be by your side and be very loyal. This man's sensuality comes out with time. For the woman who wants a stable, solid relationship with a visible, smooth sailing future is perfect for the Virgo man.

How To Attract Virgo:

Virgos need intellectual stimulation. Impress them with facts and details. Always try to come to conclusions when having a conversation, they do not like topics that go nowhere, they like conversations to come to a close or consensus, even if you agree to disagree. They are very conventional people so do not do anything spontaneous or force them to make a hasty decision, they take their time and think intensely in their mind. They are not slow, their brain is working evaluating everything. Do not attempt to probe inside their mind because their emotions are pretty much closed off until the relationship is solid, and they will decide when that time will be. Virgos are natural worriers, do not let this get to you. Do not give them cause to worry because this makes them get wound up like a spring. Let Virgo take the lead, they like to be in control of what is happening. Keep the date tasteful and do not be vulgar, they like calm and classy surroundings and people.

Virgo Erogenous Zone:

The stomach area is very sensitive to Virgo. Stroke it, circle their belly button with your finger, give them a light belly massage. This makes them feel warn and will help open them up a little bit. Be gentle, no sudden moves or vicious acts like biting or slapping, this will startle them and cause them to retreat.

Sex With Virgo:

As time progresses, sex with Virgo becomes more and more sensual. These are not the type of people who will engage in a one night stand, they are too reserved and prudish for that. Expect sex to be direct and straightforward, no fancy moves, places or games. Virgo is not a highly sexed zodiac sign and does not place much importance on it, if anything they consider sex to be gross and dirty. Once a relationship is solid, Virgo is willing to experiment a little bit with techniques and foreplay but like everything else involving a Virgo, it takes time to develop once all the advantages and disadvantages have been thoroughly weighed out.

Call me!!!  Ken  LOL