Morals and Values

You know, all my life I have tried to enact the morals and values my grandfather has instilled in me.  I believe it was important that I perfect these priceless gestures so that it just come out instinctively and naturally.

These are the same morals and values that I want my children to pick up as well.  They need to be great humans in a society that rarely shows its emotions on its sleeve.  I know I have done well so far and I believe that once they are on their own, they will conquer any obstacles while feeling good about themselves and where they came from.

I bring the subject up because I feel that I've been doing all of this for nothing.  All it takes is one selfish, self-centered, manipulative person to change your views or, at the least, change your heart for the worse.

Sometimes I feel that what I have learned was a waste of time and energy.  That the promises that were made were made with fingers crossed behind their backs.  It's an unfortunate circumstance but the truth is the truth.

I can only speak for myself but I am sure that there are others that can feel my grief.  Others that have been abused because they are generous and loyal.  I will, however, be representing myself.

I'm at a point in my life that I should be able to identify any/every attempt at me to make my life hell.  The question that always comes up is, What did I do to deserve this?  I always end up with the answer that God does things for a reason.

After all the lessons, teachings and disciplines regarding my morels and values, I am disappointed.  My Grandfather, may he rest in peace, is probably shaking his head right about now. 

I look at myself in the mirror and all I see is FAT.  Unfortunately it is true.  I will not, however, allow my weight to define me.  I am a great person.  I am intelligent, experienced, artistic and so forth.  

I know that any woman that sees beyond the look, will truly see what a great catch I am. This woman will also wonder why my previous relationship didn't work.  She will come to the conclusion that my ex-wife left a great family.

That alone will be karma enough but I want more.  I want full remorse.  I want to know why?  It's been a question that has been looming on the back burner and I believe it needs to be answered.

Was I not enough of a  gentleman to her?  Could I have done more to fight for the relationship?  Should I have treated her like shit to save our marriage?  I know the latter is absurd but I feel that some women need to be treated badly and if that's the case, I would still be single because I am not like that.

After thinking about it, I know I did right by her.  I also know that Karma works in mysterious ways.  I believe it so therefore it's inevitable.  I'm glad I have this blog.  It sounds different when it's written out.  I will continue being me.  God will take care of the rest for me.